He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
