We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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