whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
