hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
