All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I look better un-naked...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize