just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
