just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
