I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
