Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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