with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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