A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just pee around me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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