Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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