Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
