Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
