Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
