She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
