It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
