Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
