I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
