My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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