i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
