At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
smell my finger.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
