I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
