Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize