Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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