It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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