we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize