just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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