her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
