I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
