I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
