Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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