$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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