Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
