Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
