You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
