home. puking in laundry basket.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
