I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
