It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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