I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
