I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
