matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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