someone get that fucking seahorse.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
