I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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