You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
