Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
