I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
