I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
