I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
