Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
