My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize