I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want her autograph on my taint
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
