I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
