Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The best revenge is premature balding
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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