i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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