weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
