Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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