may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
