I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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