I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
