this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize