So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
