very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
