By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
