Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
