I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
