3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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