It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
