if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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