i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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