I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
