So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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